I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
