She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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