I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
