Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
