Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
