Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
