my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
