my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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