When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
