i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
