I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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