I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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