i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
