I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize