I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
