Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize