the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
