In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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