God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
