it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
