Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
