i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
