haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
