and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
