i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
