People in love make me want to vomit
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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