HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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