Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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