Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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