Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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