my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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