Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
