Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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