We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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