Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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