before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Couch. On fire.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
