Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
