So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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