Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
