would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
