My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
