Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize