College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
