so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Drunk is not a location!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
