I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
