Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
