the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
