literally had 100 drinks last night.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
