i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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