he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
