She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
