So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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