Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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