Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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