she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
