Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
