I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
