I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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