i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
