Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
As shirtless as possible
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
