so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
