at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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