Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
