I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
