Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
