they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
