If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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