I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
