Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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