A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
