ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you win again, gameday.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
